Staff Picks for This Quarter

Each quarter, the clerk behind the counter selects a handful of favorites. This quarter's picks:

• Diet Water — all the hydration, none of the heavy hydrogen. The clerk describes it as "aggressively fine."
• Elbow Grease — for projects you'd rather not actually work on.
• Waterproof Towel — stays bone dry no matter how wet you are, which the clerk finds "personally validating."

Staff picks are not guarantees of quality, taste, or physical plausibility. They are simply what was closest to the register when someone asked.